One year later

One year ago today, the 03/08/2018 I started this blog in secret because my depression was rapidly worsening and my at the time partner/fiancé had just locked me out completely. I wasn't allowed to post on Facebook because I was putting my entire life online. A lot has changed since. So far as I can …

I got chased out of the flat with no shoes on.

Earlier this year when my life imploded I went through some real shit. I don't just mean shit I mean fucked up, abusive, I was terrorized and nothing was okay shit but I couldn't see an easy way out. Break ups are never easy but they shouldn't be like that. I had a friend who …

Mauritania

Nothing to do with me, just something I witnessed. I've been watching Living Undocumented on Netflix and it got me thinking of Kadijha. A young woman I met who was two years older than me from Mauritania. I only know bits of her story. I met her in a homeless shelter in Paris, she was …

Support

I passed through another phase of whoring it up when I came back to Scotland. I guess casual sex is a coping mechanism, the same way excessive alcohol consumption helps me. Some of the things my ex did count as rape under the French legal system. This messes with me. After we broke up I …

13 Reasons Why

When I first saw 13 Reasons Why advertised on Netflix it really sparked my interest, the story was close to home in a way as I had lived through a rape. I had suffered blame for something that was out of my control and slandering tales told by my attacker to mutual parties in an …

Were you drunk?

I definitely have some kind of alcoholic tendencies and everyone who knows me well knows that I love my booze. In fact, today at a social someone confiscated and binned my second glass of red wine because yesterday I was possibly having alcohol withdrawal symptoms. I had done three days with no alcohol, day one …

Literal shit storm

In April or May of 2016 Myra had quite a few of parties and although she didn't drink alcohol a lot of her guests did. The reason I knew this is because I kept getting put on bin duty and the glass recycling was always overflowing after her parties. Normally the guests weren't too bad …

Life in the house post-rape

After I was attacked I didn't really have the option to move out. I had little to no money and still hadn't paid off my deposit on the room. I hadn't even been living there for a month before this happened. The housemates weren't aware but even so it wasn't easy to live with them. …

Myra

Myra was the first person I met upon moving into the shared house. She came out to open the gate while I was waiting for Mrs Leroy to arrive. She invited me in and let me sit in the communal area. At first, Myra was incredibly friendly. She was between the ages of 25 and …

First blame

I had an English friend who also lived in the suburbs between my town and Paris. He's probably in his 50s, his wife is somewhere in her 30s. They're mostly nice by he strikes me as somewhat shallow. When I was attacked I thought I could talk to him. I half hoped that because he …