I definitely have some kind of alcoholic tendencies and everyone who knows me well knows that I love my booze. In fact, today at a social someone confiscated and binned my second glass of red wine because yesterday I was possibly having alcohol withdrawal symptoms. I had done three days with no alcohol, day one was fine but day two I was so tired and day three I wasn’t much better. I can understand why people would ask that question of me, but if they should is a whole other matter. At the end of the day if I am actively saying no to intercourse I am refusing consent and the matter is rape, sober or not. I stumbled across this video while binging on YouTube and Calvados.
This video starts off asking the question of how drunk is too drunk to consent. While this wasn’t my case as I was sober as a brick it is still a valid thing to consider. If someone at a party is unconscious, for example, Jessica in 13 reasons why then they can not give consent. That means they’re too drunk. If the person is incoherent, they’re clearly too drunk. The statistics of over 85,000 women and 12,000 men being raped in England and Wales each year are a horrific reminder of the world that we live in.
Bethany tells her story and her self-blame resonates with my own. We both took it as our own fault, I personally think this is what is expected of women. The reasons she gave are parallel to my own, apart from I was single and sober. Bethany told her attacker no, quite clearly and gave a reason as to why before blacking out. She woke up while being raped, telling him to stop.
The video goes onto the Ask for Angela campaign, which is a great idea but probably too well known now. I think this would be better if each pub had their own code name, but whatever. I saw a great version with cocktails too once, where depending on what you ordered with it you could get a taxi or more. The idea is brilliant though, once while on a Tinder date I went to the toilet and I came back to a flat beer that had a funny taste. I kept talking and set an alarm on my phone. I said I had to run because my flatmate needed me, I disappeared into the metro as fast as I could.
The next issue is public groping. Something I have had to endure through many forms while out in Paris, in the metro and even when Ahmed kept spanking me although I told him to stop. How one of those girls can see it as a compliment is beyond me. Club behaviour my arse. Thankfully the police officers talk sense on victim blaming and alcohol consumption. Sadly I agree that you’re putting yourself at risk by getting too drunk, you can’t defend yourself. I couldn’t defend myself while I was sober.
The victim who was blurred out had a similar story to Bethany, she had to be put to bed and someone used that moment to go into her room and rape her. Again waking up during the rape, trying to move away and passing out. I can’t imagine how terrible that must be. Similar to myself and Bethany she didn’t realise it was rape until she told someone close who said it was a rape. Her points on real rape and fake rape are so valid, I had thought of this before. Victim 3 seemed to have been spiked, slipping in and out of consciousness again and getting fondled while asleep before it escalated from sexual assault to rape. Why are all these girls using the term have sex rather than rape? That’s uncomfortable, I can’t use the word sex when talking about my rape. I had to with the police, but it was hard because there was no consent.
The comments on the video are slightly worrying. I like this one though from Love is here.
When someone is too drunk to consent:
1) The second they start slurrin.
2) When they do two steps forward and then one step back.
3) The second they hit the ground.
4) If they’ve got to hold on to someone or something to keep themselves upright.
5) If the person says something is spinning.
6) If they can NOT get up off any chair or place they’ve been sitting.
7) If they are touching anybody inappropriately including themselves. Hugging, grabbing, licking, kissing, rubbing, etc.
8) If they start crying.
9) If they want to fight.
10) If they need to go home with someone to get home safely.
11) They start talking mess.
12) If they are vomiting.
13) The drunk person says no.