Support

I passed through another phase of whoring it up when I came back to Scotland. I guess casual sex is a coping mechanism, the same way excessive alcohol consumption helps me. Some of the things my ex did count as rape under the French legal system. This messes with me. After we broke up I … Continue reading Support

One year later

One year ago today, the 03/08/2018 I started this blog in secret because my depression was rapidly worsening and my at the time partner/fiancĂ© had just locked me out completely. I wasn't allowed to post on Facebook because I was putting my entire life online. A lot has changed since. So far as I can … Continue reading One year later

Were you drunk?

I definitely have some kind of alcoholic tendencies and everyone who knows me well knows that I love my booze. In fact, today at a social someone confiscated and binned my second glass of red wine because yesterday I was possibly having alcohol withdrawal symptoms. I had done three days with no alcohol, day one … Continue reading Were you drunk?

Life in the house post-rape

After I was attacked I didn't really have the option to move out. I had little to no money and still hadn't paid off my deposit on the room. I hadn't even been living there for a month before this happened. The housemates weren't aware but even so it wasn't easy to live with them. … Continue reading Life in the house post-rape

Emily

Emily lived in the room on the left-hand side of the hallway on the same floor as I did, her room was next to the kitchen and mine was diagonally opposite. She was 19, French and an architecture student at a suburban university. She had light brown hair, down to her shoulders, fair skin and … Continue reading Emily

I am probably an alcoholic

Throughout my life, I have had many experiences with alcohol. Since I was about ten there was a glass of Buck's Fizz at Christmas dinner and another shortly after at Hogmanay. I didn't get whisky until I had a toothache at 15 and my dad was high on painkillers and told me to. I actually … Continue reading I am probably an alcoholic

What do I want to achieve?

Yesterday the psychologist I saw asked me what I wanted to achieve by pressing charges and what I wanted the justice system to do. I hadn't really thought about this as such because I am sadly not expecting the justice system to do anything. It has been over two years and the only evidence is … Continue reading What do I want to achieve?