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I passed through another phase of whoring it up when I came back to Scotland. I guess casual sex is a coping mechanism, the same way excessive alcohol consumption helps me.

Some of the things my ex did count as rape under the French legal system. This messes with me. After we broke up I went back to France. I tried to fix it. I couldn’t deal with losing the love of my life because he told me he was. He had been cheating on me for months, I could never get clear dates or info but it was confirmed to me by his boyfriend and his behavior. To this day I don’t know is he is bisexual or gay. What hurts the most is I was open to anal, I tried. And that was before he cheated on me. Then after he had cheated on me I was constantly duped into having sex with him. Premature ejaculation seems to be a French trait. It’s not been a problem in Scotland. After nagging I gave in. The French police officer said it counted. I assumed because I gave in it didn’t. I was more concerned by the attacks.

I am happy to be safe now in my home.

I have dogs now, and a job and a routine. Things are picking up.

Pray for me if you want. Wish me good luck. I’ve got this.